On Air Personality and blogger, Ese Walter, has deleted her
social media pages after receiving insults from Nigerians and probably
felt she’d rather do without the insults.
Words on the street are that she wrote this letter before her public confession yesterday; READ
Dear Jesus,
I think I have erred this long because instead of getting to know you, I chose to pretend I already knew you.
Perhaps it was because everyone acted the same and I didn’t want to
feel left out. Maybe I had heard about you too long to say I didn’t know
you.
The truth however is, I really didn’t know you. It was
impossible to fathom your love or why you would give it to a stubborn
like me. Everywhere I went to find comfort and a way to relate to you, I
was deceived.
The people, the church, the pastors, the
messengers of peace…. All were out for their own selfish gains. After
trying to understand what it meant to hear someone say “Jesus saved me,’
I finally gave up.
After moving from gatherings to gatherings I
started to realize most of the words that proceeded from the mouth of
the saints were mere words with no meaning. It was a damn religious
circle and I was done with it.
Then there were the ‘mantles’ in
form of handkerchiefs, anointing oils, gimmicks, dead works, pride in
men who claimed to work for you and are generally referred to as ‘men of
God.’ Reverence that bothered on fear for human beings, blind following
of the pew, sexual immorality amongst pastors and their members, greed,
politics in the affairs of the church and the list goes on and on.
I really was sick of it all Lord. So, I gave up. I didn’t mean to quit
but something in me had seen enough and I didn’t want to be a part of
the whole charade. In an attempt to keep my sanity, I ran. Further and
further from your people and also from You.
I ran right back to
the mud you brought me from. I ran back to the familiar. I ran back to a
system that was real and thriving and even though it didn’t fill the
void I felt on the inside of me, it numbed the pain.
It was good
to be with people who didn’t pretend to believe what they didn’t
understand. It felt safe to know that I wasn’t ever going to need to say
“Jesus saved me” without fully understanding what that meant. I found
peace with people who were real enough to say, ‘I want to live my life
as I please and not have to account for nothing.’
It was easier
to stay home on Sunday mornings than gather with a set of people who
couldn’t understand why I didn’t fit in or who looked down their noses
at me when I wore something they considered ‘unholy’ to the ‘house of
God.’In all, it was great I was pushed out. It was great I stayed away
from all the drama, stories, lies, greed, judgment and what not that
pervaded ‘your house.’ Above it all, it was great I started to feel
empty again.
This emptiness drove me to a deeper search for
meaning. It drove me to me. It drove me to search the scriptures for
myself, perhaps for the first time. And most excitedly, it drove me to
You.
As I grow in knowing you Jesus, I realize that more and
more of my authentic self begins to emerge. I realize that it’s not so
hard forgiving those who have hurt me. I realize that I don’t have to be
like everyone else or judge people. All I need to do is accept your
love, your gift of salvation and rest in it.
I have no intention
of ‘spiricoco-ing’ up neither do I point fingers at the way people
choose to live but I have made up my own mind to embrace the light you
bring and by my living, show others just how simple it is. Because of my
experiences and the way I keep surviving, I am gentler with others and
myself. I don’t fully understand my process yet, but I am learning to
see me the way your word says you see me. I am attracting into my space,
people, circumstances and events that are putting me right on the path I
want to travel.
Today I say thank you. Thank you for staying
with me like you said you would. Thank you for your Spirit that leads
and guides me into all truth and continues to lead me even when I insist
on holding on to a lie. Thank you for not allowing me die before my
time. Thank you for the hope and assurance in my heart. Thank you for
helping me develop a stronger sense of purpose.
Thank you for
the tender heart I have. Thank you for my LA187 family, they have helped
me in more ways than they could ever imagine. Thank you for my
biological family who aren’t perfect but are just right for me. Thank
you for peace, joy, love, understanding and the ability to empathize.
Thank you for health, for soundness of mind and complete functioning
body parts.
Thank you for your blood that speaks better things
than the blood of bulls or goats (my mind is still trying to comprehend
what all that slaughtering was about back then though) lol.I am coming
back to the heart of worship Jesus and it’s always been about you.
As I continue on my path, please continue to keep me. For the most
part, I don’t know what I am doing but I intend to stay true to the
‘knowing’ in my heart.
At the end of my time here, let me say “I fought the good fight, I finished the course, I kept the faith....
READ MORE: http://news.naij.com/44995.html
...
