Falling
in love with someone off-limits is undoubtedly complicated and rarely
ideal. We've got 4 tips for navigating your own off-limits romance.
1) Determine if the person really is off-limits.
People who are otherwise open-minded
can be very judgmental about love, sometimes ruling out anyone who isn't
their "type." Here's the truth: There's a chance that the person who
could love you best isn't as tall, muscular, or accomplished as you
think you'd like. Superficial traits aren't inherent dealbreakers.
So who's really, truly off-limits?
Someone in a serious committed relationship. There are few other people
to add to the list: people who show no interest in you despite your
obvious interest in them, who are bitter and jaded from previous
relationships, or who exhibit a lot of 'red flags'.
2) Don't rush in.
Of course, what starts off-limits
doesn't always stay off-limits. Sometimes people fall in love in messy
circumstances that could hurt other people. It's not ideal, but it's a
personal decision for the individuals involved to make. No one said love
was easy. That said, feeling something doesn't mean that you have to
act on it. It's normal to sometimes find yourself attracted to someone
you can't have. Ask yourself— and honestly answer — these questions
before making any decisions about pursuing someone who's off-limits.
- What could happen, both good and bad?
- How would my decision affect other people? Can I live with myself knowing that my actions could potentially hurt others?
- What advice would I give to a loved one who was in this situation?
- If everyone were to do what I'm thinking of doing, what would happen?
3) Love the player, not the game.
Before you proceed any further with an
off-limits relationship, it's important to make sure that you're
interested in the person, not just the thrill of forbidden romance.
Excitement and danger are fun temporarily. But if you really want a
future with someone, you can't keep your relationship on the down-low or
your attraction one-dimensional.
When you're attracted to a man for the
right reasons, you're attracted on multiple (physical, emotional,
spiritual, etc.) levels, psychologists explain. You tend to feel like
the best version of yourself. You feel more good than bad, whether
you're with or without him. So if you feel great when you're with your
secret love, but guilt-ridden or resentful when you're apart, something
needs to change.
4) Learn from your decision.
Maybe your off-limits romance will end
in happiness. Maybe it won't. Perhaps you'll decide it's not worth the
risk. Whatever the case, it's important to remember that every
relationship, mistakes and all, teaches us something.
When it comes to love, we tend to learn
the hard way. At the very least, an off-limits relationship helps us
improve and make the inner changes necessary to attract a higher-quality
person who's available.
And the best possible result? Two people who overcome the odds to get together ... and stay that way.
